Last Week Recap: 0-4 (-16u)
Overview: Ouch. Not good. Not good at all. The Noles got bitch whipped for 60 minutes in a foreign country, and we lost every bet. Very bad.
However, I will take a page from Mike Norvell’s book, and tell you that I WILL do better, and I still have faith and still believe in this program – the only difference between me and Mini Mike, is that I’m not a lying fraud.
Honestly, I am more upset with the media telling us that this FSU team had talent and potential this year – blatant snake oil, and we all just guzzled it down like drunk pirates – idiots.
In their defense, I guess when you’re watching a shitty offense go against a shitty defense everyday in practice, it kinda cancels out, and you don’t really know what you’re looking at.
And everything nice thing I said about DJU? Absolutely and unequivocally rescinded. I really don’t care that he is extremely mid, the guy just isn’t a leader (as I originally presumed – should’ve never drank the Kool-Aid) – guy is scared to run and get hit, and frankly just looks like a pussy out there. Lacks any sort of control or authority on the field. Not my QB1.
If the Noles go out and put on another lazy performance on Monday night, a standalone primetime game, after an upset loss, at home – well, the sky will actually be falling, but let’s keep it together until then.
Enough doomsday rant, we’ve got games all weekend and we’ve dug ourselves quite a hole here before Week 1 even starts – going to be surgical and precise this week
Hop in, we’re going for a ride
Picks:
Thursday:
UNC vs Minnesota u50.5 -115 (3u)
Both these teams squared off last year, and UNC won 31-13. UNC loses their star QB, and Minnesota brings in a FCS QB and has no receivers. Presumably, both offenses will be worse.
Both of these teams are run first offenses this year, so I expect to see a heavy ground attack from both sides.
The bigger thing I noticed in Week 0, was that the pace of the game has slowed drastically due to the new mics in the QB’s helmet – coaches can communicate until 15 seconds on the playclock – this resulted in much more clock draining than usual.
I like this better teased to u57.5, but I’ll hit 50.5 for some Thursday action.
And shoutout Mack Brown, that's fam.
Friday:
Temple vs Oklahoma -42.5 EVEN (3u)
I love this Oklahoma team this year, and their only issue is that they’re inexperienced – well, this is a ‘get experience’ game if I've ever seen one
Temple has had 6 coaches in 7 years and is just a complete joke of a program. Apparently they could use the Wildcat as their main offense this year? Yeah, no.
Oklahoma waxed a much better Arkansas St team last year in the opener 73-0, and Venables is a certified psycho, so this team is going to be fired up for Game 1 at home.
Boomer.
Saturday:
Miami -2.5 -110 vs UF (5u)
Write up below. Only thing that has changed is Montrell Johnson has been “cleared” for the game, but seeing as he hasn’t practiced all fall, he won’t be his usual self. Still riding with Cristocuck and those miscreants down south.
Notre Dame vs Texas A&M u48.5 -135 (5u)
This is going to be a defensive battle, plain and simple.
As I talked about in the Futures write-up, Notre Dame offense blows. No weapons, and Riley Leonard is a bigger fraud than Mike Norvell.
For A&M, Tim Elko takes over for Jimbob Fisher, and his defense should improve immediately. On the other hand, new system for the QB. I see less points.
Again, clock will run, and this will be a snoozefest.
Heavy under.
New Mexico vs Arizona -30.5 -115 (4u)
If you watched west coast ball last year, you probably saw Noah Fifita at Arizona – the guy is legit, and shockingly didn’t transfer, which only further confirms that Arizona schools have the hottest pussy in America. Bastards.
This New Mexico team lost a heartbreaker against FCS Montana State last week, and now they’ve been looking forward to getting their asses pumped all week. I don’t think they’re getting up for this one
Fifita makes some plays to put on his potential Heisman film and Wildcats roll. Now just need to research what graduate degree I can get in Tuscon.
Virginia Tech -13.5 -110 vs Vanderbilt (3u)
If Va Tech is as good as they and the media purport them to be, they crush this Vandy team.
Apparently the Commodores did get a stud QB from New Mexico, they were rarely competitive with real teams last year. They’re just bad.
I don’t know if there’s anyone to really blame, it’s just Vanderbilt. They don’t care about football.
Some are saying this could be Va Tech’s year, so we’ll get our first look here. I think they cruise.
Colorado State +31.5 -110 vs Texas (3u)
This Texas team is vastly overrated, and we have a spot to take advantage of that here in Week 1.
Not only did they lose 6! Players on offense to the NFL, star running back Cedrick Baxter (Orlando legend) is out for the year
They did add some WR talent in the portal, but in Game 1, I’m thinking it takes some time for them to gel.
I also saw a video of the Colorado State QB saying he turned down lucrative NIL offers because he “wants to win a championship at CSU” – not so sure about that, but got to appreciate the enthusiasm and confidence.
Just too many points for an offense that is unproven outside of Ewers.
Make sure it’s Gatorade in the coolers and not Jim Beam – we know what Sark would prefer.
Sunday:
LSU vs USC ML +155 (2u)
LSU loses almost all production on offense, lose a bunch on that DLine, and have new coordinators on both sides.
USC also has a new coordinator on D, but D’Anton Lynn from UCLA proved he could immediately improve a defense, as he did for the Bruins – with an even more talented group, he can only do better
Miller Moss showed he’s a stud in the bowl game, and a whole offseason getting QB1 reps for a Lincoln Riley offense will only help – he’s also fraternity brothers with one of my boys, so using the transitive property, he’s really my boy too.
Brian Kelly doesn’t get up for a big game once again, and his seat gets a little warm. Good, fuck that murderous scumbag.
+4.5 is appealing as well, but rolling with the outright here.
Fight On.
Monday:
Boston College +17.5 -110 vs Florida State (4u)
Not even Nole hating here, we’re just not covering this number.
Boston College has been prepping for us as their Super Bowl all offseason, and now they see we’re an injured gazelle. Blood is in the water. They are going to give us 100%
Their QB is going to absolutely shred us in the read option with our own former boy Treshaun Ward, and it’s going to look even worse than last week with our dogshit Linebacker play
Good news is if we lose this one we can finally end the DJU experiment and hand the keys to Brock Glenn. Thank Christ.
Sprinkles:
Eastern Illinois ML +1400 vs Illinois (.3u)
This Eastern Illinois program has some sneaky pedigree. Tony Romo, Sean Payton, and Mike Shanahan all are former Panthers.
They bring back 18 starters, and this defense forced 25 turnovers last year in the FCS.
Couple that with the fact that Illinois is trotting out confirmed autist Luke Altmyer at QB, this could be an upset to watch.
Throw a couple bones on it and pray it’s close in the 4th.
Clemson ML +400 vs UGA (1u)
Murmurs that Trevor Etienne could be suspended for this one – Also, Dabo could be coaching for his job this year if his anti-portal stance doesn’t get them to the playoffs – I’ll take a swing on Dabo with his back against the wall. Also like +14.5 if you have a vagina.
Boston College ML +575 vs Florida State (1u)
Mike Norvell’s gotta prove it to me. Did JTrav make Norvell much like Jameis made Jimbo? Does he actually have a “culture” established, or was that all JTrav as well? These are all questions I have after watching Week 0, and if Mike can’t get it done this weekend against BC, I think the general public will have these same questions as well.
Go compare the stats of games with JTrav, versus games without JTrav. Very concerning, to say the least.
If Norvell doesn’t get his guys up for this one, I think we will have our questions answered.
Ball is in your court, Mini. Time to show us something. But until then, I will fade you into oblivion.
Chalk Parlay:
Iowa ML / Penn St ML / Va Tech ML / Michigan ML / Washington ML / Arizona ML -134 (3u)
Degen Parlay:
Clemson ML / USC ML +1239 (.5u)
10 Point Teaser:
Clemson +23.5 / Colorado State +41.5 / Troy +0.5 / ND vs TAMU u56.5 EVEN (3u)
That's all I got for this week, let's start off strong with a Thursday night winner and ride that momentum into the weekend.
Shoutout the labor unions for getting us a 4-day work week next week, that's clutch. About the only thing those lazy fucks are good for.
Lastly, Mike Norvell if you are reading this, please show up Monday night. Just please. If the Noles lay another egg on Monday, the health and well-being of myself and many Nole fans alike will be at risk. Don't let that blood be on your hands.
Spo Out.
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